Show Is Better Than Tell
~ Three Telling Tips for a Stunning Script~

By David Trottier

You’ve heard this before. And it’s true that “show” is usually better than “tell,” especially in a movie or TV script, whose strength is its visual quality. There is much you can do to make your script more visually engaging. Here are three tips that will make a difference.

1. Identify narration and voice-overs that can be actionize.
Narration and even a long voiced-over introduction can be effective when it adds another layer of meaning, humor, or drama; or when it contradicts what we see on the screen; or it foreshadows in a clever or fascinating way. However, usually it is not interesting or exciting, especially when it tells us what we can already see on the screen.

Let's look at an example. (And incidentally, examples are used with permission.) What follows is a condensed opening voice over (that was originally twice as long):

                    JACK (V.O.)
          My name is Jack Musk. I'm a mess
          because my drug-abusing father beat
          me every night, my depraved older
          brother gave me a golden swirly in
          the toilet every morning, and my
          alcoholic mother abandoned me at the
          bus station. It was me against the world.
          But I've pulled myself up by my
          proverbial bootstraps, put myself
          through college and got my Ph.D. in
          martial arts studies. Currently, I am
          the head of an undercover team posing as
          archaeoastronomers. Now, it's me
          against the universe.

The writer is telling. This speech could possibly work in a broad comedy, but perhaps the first section about Jack's family could be handled with brief flashbacks later in the script that emerge naturally as part of the story, or we could open with a montage of brief images from the past. In either case, we'd be showing rather than telling

The bit about Jack's education could emerge into a later conversation. And why not show the team posing as archaeoastronomers? Build the tension and the suspense that their cover might be blown. That would be a more compelling opening scene than a long expository voice-over.

If you have narration throughout your script or an opening voice-over, and it's not superb and engaging as defined earlier, brainstorm ways to actionize it.

2. Convert obvious exposition into drama.
You are right if you are thinking that the long voiced-over example above is obvious exposition. It's narration as exposition. Now let's look at regular dialogue as obvious exposition.

                    MAUREEN
          How long have we been married?

                    GILBERT
          Ten years, Sugar Plum. Remember
          the ceremony under the great oak?

                    MAUREEN
          Yes, and then the Hawaii honeymoon.

When characters tell each other things they already know, that might be a sign of obvious exposition. We should wait until the marriage is falling apart and then show one of them recalling the ceremony and/or Hawaii honeymoon. The flashback would normally be obvious exposition if it were not part of the story--the character is recalling the good times as a motivation to not break up the marriage. This would be showing rather than telling. Let's look at another speech.

                     JACK
          Here's the plan. I'll call Bob
          and tell him the warehouse has
          been ransacked. His reaction
          will tell me a lot. We'll ask him
          to come to the warehouse to take
          inventory. Notice what he looks
          for, what he's interested in.

The above speech could work if everything goes wrong; then, because we know the plan, suspense is created because things are not going as planned. Otherwise, have the character say, "Here's the plan." and then cut to the warehouse and show this unfolding. Often in script evaluations, I've told clients, "Don't have characters tell us what they're going to do or what they have just done. Instead, show us." Let's acknowledge that in some instances telling us works dramatically.

In most cases, avoid dialogue that explains. Sometimes it's needed; usually it is not. I've even seen SUPERs used to explain, which shouldn't be done. For example, don't write something like this:

SUPER: "In November 2021, Shauna Aiken was in her last year of college majoring in poli-sci and is now standing on the very spot where George Washington took his oath of office."

3. Discover minimized cinematic moments that can be maximized and exploited.
Sometimes we don't see cinematic moments when they are right in front of us. Let's imagine an exchange from the first draft of The Princess Bride. I fabricated this to illustrate a point.

                    CASTLE GUARD #1
          How come the Man in Black is still alive?

                    CASTLE GUARD #2
          Oh, he tricked the Sicilian into
          drinking some poison wine.

Notice how static, unmoving, and matter of fact the above is. This should be a cinematic moment; show us! The produced film shows a "Battle of the Wits" between the Man in Black and the Sicilian. It is hilarious and satisfying.

Let's take a micro view and discuss a small moment in a scene. In the following from a client, Lisa's husband Michael is in the jet headed towards her car. What follows is the original version.

INT. CAR - DAY

In the rearview mirror, Lisa sees her children look terrified by something. Lisa looks out the window and sees a jet headed toward them, wings seesawing, engines roaring unsteadily.

This is clearly action, but we're still missing an opportunity. While we generally want to avoid incidental and unimportant details, it's okay to dramatize dramatic moments and milk the emotion (without going overboard). What follows is the revision; and notice we're allowing the camera to be both inside and outside of the car (INT./EXT.)

INT./EXT. CAR - DAY

In the rearview mirror, Lisa sees her children's faces glued to the side window, looking terrified.

She turns her head to see a passenger jet headed towards them -- almost upon them. Engines whine loudly.

One child plugs her ears. All of them scream. Lisa's hand goes to her mouth.

                    LISA
          Michael.

The jet's wings seesaw. Jet engines roar and cough.

The nose dips, the jet now aimed right at them. Lisa stomps on the accelerator. Involuntary tears blur her vision.

As you revise and polish your script, look for opportunities to take static "telling" scenes or even individual explanatory speeches, and convert them into visual and gripping scenes or moments. And then, keep writing!